You are literally a click away from TOTAL RELATIONSHIP FREEDOM.

Angry vegan girlfriend who scowls when you order a rib eye? [Click]. Dropped like a hot potato with soy butter.

Sappy boyfriend who has seen Disney's FROZEN three dozen times and sings "Do You Want To Build A Snowman?" every time he's on the other side of your front door? [Click]. Evaporated like a snow cone on an August sidewalk.

The best part? You don't even need to tell them! Just change your Facebook status to "Single" and let the grapevine grow, baby.

(For those unfamiliar with Disney's FROZEN, here's your two-cent breakdown: rich, powerful, angry foreigner trafficks in white powder and lives isolated in a mansion, away from frivolous younger sister).

In other words, Scarface for kids.

Do You Want To Do Some Blow, Man?    (Photos: Disney, Universal Pictures) — **Do You Want To Do Some Blow, Man?**
(Photos: Disney, Universal Pictures)

People all over the globe are literally breaking up with a significant other simply by changing their Facebook status from “In a Relationship” to “Single,” with no further explanation necessary to the poor ex, who now suffers the dual humiliation of getting dumped both electronically and publicly.

Does anyone else miss the good old days of break-ups? Goodbye letters! Actual conversations! Hell, I once knew a guy who dumped a girl during intercourse (which now strangely stands as the proud high point in face-to-face relationship-ending history).

And it seems we've been building to this less-personal method of dumping for quite some time. Remember that "Sex & The City" episode where Jack Berger infamously dumped poor Carrie Bradshaw via Post-It Note? The year was 2003, not coincidentally the year the first social network gained traction.

Yes Friendsters, breaking up is not so hard to do anymore. But does that make it easy? Well, in Facebook-relationship-status parlance, "It’s Complicated".

So welcome to the social media generation, where “Crazy in Love” becomes “Hit The Road, Jack” in the blink of a iPhone.

[Editor's Note: Isn’t it amazing that Mr. Lavallo referenced a dumping Jack and a dumped Jack in the span of six sentences? And you thought making a billion dollars was cool?].

A Million Dollars Isn't Cool. You Know What's Cool?  Writing Captions Beneath Pictures of Actors Portraying Billionaires.                  &nbsp… — **A Million Dollars Isn't Cool. You Know What's Cool?** **Writing Captions Beneath Pictures of Actors Portraying Billionaires.**
(Photo: Columbia Pictures)

Just when you relegated status updates to posting how much you love lists like "28 Homeless Cats Who Look Like British Rock Stars", with the advent of social media, your relationship status is now a neon-flashing billboard for the world to see — or at least that part of the world in your circle of friends online.

Doesn’t sound like a big deal, right? I mean, a break-up is a break-up; you roll with it. Well, picture this: Cindy is floating along through her day, content in the fact that she's "In a Relationship" with Tommy. Cindy logs onto Facebook, casually glances at Tommy’s profile and [insert sound of lead pipe smashing into the side of her head] -- Tommy is “Single”?!?

Cindy is perplexed. “How, HOW can this be?,” she wonders, as the adrenaline marches through her chest like a skater kid on Mountain Dew: “Aha, someone hacked his account!” She picks up the phone to let him know, but it goes to voice mail. She texts, but no reply.

Back to Facebook she goes, to post a message to her beloved’s Wall that some insensitive maniac confiscated his password and is spreading LIES, LIES, LIES. A few minutes later, as Cindy checks back, she sees a whole bunch of comments posted such as “Way to go, Tom!,” “I never liked that b*tch,” “Finally, man! Congrats,” and worst of all, from Tommy himself: “Yeah, tough call but there's far too much Tom to spread around”.

Well, it’s great that Tommy seemed to deliberate so long and hard about his big decision but — hey, Lebron– how about giving Cleveland Cindy a little warning before taking your talents to Facebook?

To be fair, one has to admire the brusque, in-your-face, social media gen attitude of “I’m doing what I want and I’m letting you know in real time.” And although one simple click makes you an instant published author of heartbreak, it still begs the question: Is it really easier to break up digitally?

Can You Guess a Homeless Cat's Favorite Rolling Stones Song? Gimme Shelter.(Photo: abcnews.com) — **Can You Guess a Homeless Cat's Favorite Rolling Stones Song? *Gimme Shelter*.**
(Photo: abcnews.com)

Let’s look at Tommy for a moment. His work isn’t done here. Should he de-friend her? Will that make him look petty or seem less relationship-worthy to the other girls he knows? Does he delete all of those pictures and wall postings? Will his ego make him a little bit curious to see how she moved on without him?

Obviously it’s not easier for poor Cindy, who also faces a host of similar decisions plus others. Does she respond back, either to defend her reputation or kindly suggest that his friends go have intercourse with themselves? Does she become obsessed with every digital move her ex makes? How does she express her pain and humiliation? What do you do about common friends? Will Facebook just bring up the hurt every time she logs on or will she find solace in her network of friends?

When your private pain suddenly becomes the business of hundreds of people...it’s complicated.

And lucrative. Think about the treasure trove of relationship information and patterns Facebook has collected over the last decade. Every time you change a status, post a comment, add a description, big brother FB is watching and waiting and analyzing.

For instance, did you know that most Facebook breakups occur on a Monday? Or that there is a huge spike in “Single”s right before Spring Break and Christmas?

But hey, don’t blame the Zuck; you’re the one posting your life to his servers. And the next time you find it creepy that a half-hour after you get force-Singled, Facebook is serving you up an ad for the smash bestselling book “After the Dump: Off Your Rump, Over the Hump, Headed Toward a Baby Bump” (no, that doesn’t exist but it will when I write it), just remember that you have the power to keep your mouth — and fingers — silent in the future.

In fact, a 2010 survey of matrimonial lawyers noted that Facebook was a primary source of evidence in divorce proceedings and custody battles. Keep that little gem in mind moving forward.

And if you're legally bound to someone--that pesky little thing we call marriage--none of this instant relationship-ending magic even applies to you. You still need a lawyer-- or at the very least an "accident"-- to get out from under that oppressive regime. So in the two-birds-one-stone department, feel free to reach out to this guy for some help with those.

This Offer Applies Only to Residents of New Mexico.(Photo: AMC Television) — **This Offer Applies Only to Residents of New Mexico.**
(Photo: AMC Television)

So where does this leave us?

For starters, the interaction of couples has been forever changed by social media. And while “death by status update” may be a brutal way to end a relationship, it’s also brutally honest, and honesty should be valued.

Isn’t it easier for you to move on from a relationship knowing that the other person isn’t (honestly) that into you?

B.S. lines like, “It’s not you, it’s me” or “I really still want to be friends,” just give false hope that there is some way to salvage an unsalvageable relationship, so it’s sort of refreshing to know it’s over, electronically and emotionally.

No longer does it take days for word of a break-up to spread among friends and peers, further reinforcing that the end has come. And, sure, for now, when the same word spreads that the split was an unwelcomed surprise, the break-up recipient will be embarrassed, annoyed and confused.

But we’re only in the throes of WBU (Web Break-Ups) 1.0, and by the third iteration, this stuff will be old hat.

So dumperoos, the next time a boyfriend or girlfriend says the words, “It’s not you, it’s me,” look him or her straight in the eye and say, “GO F(acebook) YOURSELF.”